“Igbo women no de carry last”
What a welcome development?!!!
I am happy to be an Igbo woman and a very proud one for that matter. In fact if there is anything like reincarnation I would like to come back Igbo again but this time my mum will be my grandmother. A formidable character that did not take no for an answer, spoke up when there was need for it no matter whose ox was gored and knew no difference between men and women.
She treated and raised us equally. Breaking of fire wood was not a man’s job. Washing of bitter leaf for soup was not a woman’s job. Whoever was in view could do and did it under her loving care.
She was simply a phenomenal woman whose boldness transcends generations and who will be remembered by history for her greatness if the truth should be told. I owe her a duty to write a book about her life.
Igbo people are beautiful people but there are many baseless attitudes and practices that must change. Many people may not agree with me but many of our practices are misogynistic and therefore totally repugnant.
My father loved me so much that he often wished that I am a man. I remember him being reprimanded by his cousin Fidelis while we were visiting and he expressed that wish in his house. That was how much he loved me and how difficult it was for him to make others understand that there is no difference between a man and a woman. Men do things that women cannot do and women do things that men cannot do. We cannot exist without one another. It is therefore totally wrong and primitive for anyone to look down on another because of the ignorance of our forefathers.
As I once told a Nigerian man in American whose mother DHL’d a wife; in the days when our forefathers talked about women being nothing, his grand mum who possibly would have objected had no choice because the man provided for her and the children but things have since changed. Women have a choice or choices and no one can dictate who has better or superior rights. I reminded him that his gran did not go to work, pay or share rent, mortgage, bills etc. with his grandad. As such she had no identity or reason not to cook, clean and wash and look after the man and his children. Again, the burden of that arrangement killed our men too early. Its not that his grand mum had no choice or could not do all that but his grandfather possibly erroneously believed that she could not while the poor girl was dying to be the Queen Amina and Nana Yaw Asentewaas of the family and the poor man could have lived longer.
All these have since changed. Women are better educated, work, hold important positions in society, earn better than some men who refuse to realise that being a man alone is not enough to gain them women’s respect, buy their own homes all over the world and pay their rents, mortgages and bills with ease with or without men.
You cannot expect me to do all that and then come home and wash and cook for you without being tired and at the same time told that I am a common woman. Why not call me a worm and bury me alive to go and live inside the solid where I will not take your responsibilities and be insulted by you.
Recently a woman who was separated from her husband a long time ago died. They separated because he is a monster and would not work hard but wanted to be worshiped as the king of the house because he is a man. This was not a problem for her. Although she put up with his poor manners he was insecure and would often accuse her of sleeping around. Funny enough he had no problems being fed by her and living off her prostitution money. He eventually forced her out. She raised all the children who are very very successful in their professions without a dime from him. He is still as hopeless as ever living off rent from his late father’s properties in Nigeria.
Poor girl died recently. Unknown to the man she had her will safely tucked away. He shamelessly turned up from the woodwork through his lawyers claiming that she died intestate and everything she had belonged to him by virtue of intestacy law. Remember that she was a prostitute who lived off immoral earnings. Her only crime was that she realised that he was hopeless and could not be the man he claims to be. She therefore took steps to secure the future of her children. He had since married two other women who left him. He is still the best and they are all bad women. Can anyone imagine that woman having been married two additional times and turning up to lay claims on the man’s property? I leave you to guess her fate if she was that bold.
I was shocked because this same man as the first son in Igbo land would own his father’s estate and say that it is wrong for women to own land. If that is just and fair, what on earth was he doing looking to inherit the land she bought in Queen’s land with immoral earnings? Do great pious men live off the proceeds of immorality? He often forgot her name and called her a prostitute. So she can own a land in Queen’s own country and he can take the money from there but she cannot own a land in her own country of birth? If she died not being allowed to own land in her own town in Nigeria because she was a woman, what would he have come to claim? Funny character!
This is a welcome development. I am hoping that every Igbo daughter will start asking for her own share of the land. And as I always say, if you are not good enough to share the land, you are not good enough to contribute money towards anything in your family. Go and buy land in places where you are accepted, treat yourself to all girlie things, make a tight Will and make sure that none of those who think that you cannot own land is named anywhere in it. Let them go and sell their ancestral land and buy whatever they like but certainly not with your money. You are a woman. If you do not matter, your land and money from foreign lands where you were respected enough to be given the right to be a human being before your gender must not be given to the people who say that you do not matter.
Well done to this young lady. She is my type of woman.