Foster care and adoption.

Foster parenting and adoption in the UK

It goes without saying that every child needs family and parents are always the best to look after and raise their own children.

However, it will be ignorant to believe or assert that some of us parents are not wholly dysfunctional, toxic, dangerous and deadly and must have written all over their  faces“KEEP AWAY. VERY TOXIC”! For this category of parents their children are and should be classified as “at risk” and rescued by every responsible government and families.

In the UK the state considers itself as pseudo parents with a duty to to every child born within their jurisdiction. As some friends will joke when talking about children born in the UK “every child born to any parent in the UK who has yet to attain majority belongs to the Crown”. I have often skeptically but yet very cautiously questioned the thinking behind this duty which is usually or majorly carried out by UK Local Authorities under the provisions of the Children’s Act 1989 as amended.  My mind tells me that given the evil dispositions of many toxic parents in the UK society honest and selfless child protection is a necessary evil.

This then takes me to how this is done and role of social workers, foster carers and adoptive parents. As many people already know I have a serious aversion for some Social works and may therefore be lacking in fitness to judge their objectivity and sincerity. So I will do myself and them a favour by holding back some comments which many social workers may consider unfair and venomously prejudicial but that is not before I say that there are many unqualified, evil and totally dangerous social and care workers in the system who must be flushed out for the safety of children and families. I must also not fail to say Kudos to true replica Florence Nightingales of Social services. There are many of them who are genuinely in the business to protect children and I love and respect them. They do their jobs with love, passion and compassion for children and their families. So well done people and for those who are there because it pays the bill, it may be time to move on and avoid living with memories and conscience that one day begin to prick and torment you for life.

Very often when children are considered to be at risk which makes it unsafe for them to continue to live with their birth parents and there are no immediate family members who can step in as parents in locus, the children are initially placed with foster parents and carers while parents adjust with assistance from Social services and other agencies. In extreme cases where the parents do not show any prospects of getting better, then the final step of adoption which must always be the last option becomes necessary.

Usually foster carers and adoptive parents are subjected to rigorous safety checks before they are allowed to take in any child or children. Although I am aware that there have been some slippages here and there in the vetting process, majority of these carers and adoptive parents are great and I adore them for the services they provide and the joy the bring to unfortunate children and their relatives.

From recent experiences of what I struggle to accept is nothing other than legal child kidnapping and destruction of families, I believe that more needs to be done for children and their families.There must be placed on the local authority a duty to interview carers and parents to be and disclose to them the full circumstances of the child who is up for adoption along with documentary evidence of care proceedings position statements of the biological parent or adoptive and where necessary the written consent of the birth parent/s to have the children adopted.

Experience has shown that some local authorities have often truncated procedures and connived with high profile citizens to unfairly interfere in settled family lives of many families. Therefore some of the children in care are not supposed to be in care and many who have been given up for adoption do not belong to the care system and should not have been fostered or adopted.

This has destroyed many families and landed their children in care which most often are new ways of life for the children thus explaining why they end up with mental health issues etc.  I opine that Government should think seriously about the care system and put adequate arrangements in place to ensure that only children who need to be in care are in care and parents are not disassociated from their children because of the zealousness and hatred of some social workers or discrimination inspired by lack or inadequate knowledge of the cultural backgrounds of parents and their children along with the influence of such cultures on our attitudes towards bringing up children.

Foster and adoptive parents must also have the right to know and satisfy their conscience that they are not accepting children because they need the pay or desire children whom they themselves cannot have bit can look after.I think that it will be devastating for anyone to live with the burden of knowing that a loving parent has been denied the right to love and see their children grow up or the children denied the natural love of their parents. It will be most traumatic for a child to grow up and find out that they had loving homes and parents but they had been denied the opportunity to be so naturally loved. For foster carers and Social services this may be simply another decision that went wrong but for the adoptive and natural parent/s and more the adoptive parents, it will be the most wrong emotional trauma to contend with when in your old age your children instead of being grateful to you becomes totally disconnected because they find out something different from what they were fed by the system.

In writing about this, I have in mind few African families whose children have been taken away by social services on bizarre allegations of child neglect or abuse while indeed it was a simple variance in culture which if well attended would have produced a more different result with a happy ending.

Britain cannot justly describe herself as a multicultural tolerant society without addressing these types of problem. A multicultural warm and welcoming society is one which understands the culture and traditions of their guests and takes reasonable steps to ensure that their guests understand their ground rules along with the consequences of adopting a life style which is not in tandem with British way of life. It does not discriminate or unfairly treat any parent or child differently because their cultural way of life is still finding expression inn British way of life.

Many men and women are languishing in British jails because false allegations of child abuse or neglect which if calmly and fairly reviewed may have been simple issues of differences in culture have been made against them. The care system does not provide adequate support for foreign parents and this exposes children to all sorts of distress and stress with some ending up mentally troubled.

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